Monthly Archives: Nov 2015

watched the video by one Deaf man who makes documentary – Facebooks – Deaf News..  this morning…Check out the video story… Yes it is voice along with sign language.

It made me to think about the Deaf young couple (Dot and Bill – fiction names – privacy and respect) who is struggling to overcome the barriers by recurring cycles from their ex Deaf/hearing families and Deaf friends. These Deaf couple are moving on with their own fresh lives by learning one step at a time, learning to trust someone in a good faith, reaching out someone who can assist them for their needs and gain new friends. Every times they received bad vibes through texts or gossips of lies or  ‘rubbish stories’ by their ex Deaf friends, Deaf family and a hearing mother. Yes it made their lives really frustrating and make more difficult to clear up the rubbish or nasty rumours by other ex Deaf friends.. Don’t judge them if you know or familiar in the boundary if you comes across their path into your path as a bad example Deaf couple. Just take a look at yourself and think twice where you are in the dysfunctional family or not!

A small number of good faith people are there to support and to encourage them to move on and getting on positive lives in the city rather not looking back in the past. They are doing well BUT not always well. They have a small number of good people who are there for them.

Last week I went to a workshop – Healthy Deaf Mental people in Auckland. The guest speaker was Dr Brendan Monteiro, Consultant Psychiatrist in Mental Health Services for Deaf Adults. This was one of the good example for everyone to learn from him….

What is a dysfunctional family mean to you?

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour, and often child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal. Dysfunctional families are primarily a result of co-dependent adults,^[1] and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.), or sometimes an untreated mental illness.^[1] Dysfunctional parents may emulate or over-correct from their own dysfunctional parents. In some cases, a “child-like” parent will allow the dominant parent to abuse their children. This paste web side was from Wikipedia… It is clear and simple explain note.

Dot comes from a large Deaf family and Bill comes from a hearing mother who married and divorced the man who is not a natural father to Bill. An example of the dystunctional families they have are lack:-

• Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity towards certain family members, while expressing extreme empathy towards one or more members who have real or perceived “special needs”. In other words, one family member continuously receives far more than he or she deserves, while another is marginalized.
• Denial (refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior, possibly believing that the situation is normal or even beneficial; also known as the “elephant in the room.”)
• Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g. tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.)
• Disrespect of others’ boundaries (e.g. physical contact that other person dislikes; breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another person has expressed)
• Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient peaceful arguing between family members)
• Abnormally high levels of jealousy or other controlling behaviour
• In a family with one or more rebellious children at whom parents are chronically angry, non-rebellious children’s having to “walk on eggshells” to avoid spillover effects of the parents’ anger.

In the world, we do have a wide range of dysfunctional families and one of these family can break away from this cycle, it would be perfect story to share. Yes, we do have dysfunctional families in the disabled world, it is the same with gangs – all kind of gangs for example Black Power, Mongrel Mobs, Rebel….

With Dot, her ex Deaf family let her down in a bad path. They refused to forget the pasts especially odd help assistance like counselling in the past. They don’t believe counselling will help them to solve and move forward with their lives.

Yes I often see people don’t take counselling or other kind of helps like food parcels. They can be too embarrassed or a shame of themselves even they don’t be to be like to have a ‘pity family’.

With Bill, his hearing mother refused to give his natural father’s name in fear for her shame or embarrassed in the old days. Bill wants to know who is his natural father because he wants to pass on to his children and that was his choice, not the mother, even Bill is an adult and he have his right to know who is his natural father. The real fact that he wants to see his natural father one day. He is not angry, simply he wants to know who is his natural father is, where he comes from, what kind of work he had and so on.

Not everyone who willing to give out the natural name of the father or mother through genealogy because of their shame or a bad past e.g. rape by a stranger or one of the family members.  I did  own genealogy for many years and I came across many interesting dark sides stories which we never knew or knew very little about it. Yes we do have a small number of ‘black sheep’ in our genealogy and it did not bother us.

Wherever I am involve in the community, in the places where I met someone, read the article, or in the world where I travelled in the past. It always brings me insight to explore or to understanding more in their lives, cultures and what kind of services we can provide for them including people with disabilities…..But how can we change their cycle of life? It is never a solution or a little solution to help to break their cycle of life at least something will make impact on their life changing!

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What a memory so far that we have reach here in the rural lifestyle home!

Looking through many photos here and choose carefully for blog. As a deaf person – myself, going though the journey of life (and returning childhood memory of rural with my grandparents, uncles/aunties)  in the rural country away from the city of Hamilton, NZ.

I am no longer an urban person since I born in the city of Hamilton apart from my childhood experiences/holidays in farms and beaches with my grandparents, aunties/uncles and a solo mother with four children. I was privilege to become a rural person again and I still have skills which I learnt from the past through my grandparents and families on the farms and beaches. I did not realised how much I missed it and I love every moment of life in here back to me. For example, I am used to having possums, rats and rabbits around here. Because one of our uncles was a possum culler/home kill butchery. I did most of the fencing with my partner even odd jobs in carpentry stuffs. The best of all is gardening which I miss during my studying in BA in History along with Linguistic and Anthropology, my world travelling and working with people/children with disabilities.

Being a deaf person in the rural country prove some challenges for me and learning more ways of living and improving something benefit for me – no equipments such as doorbell, flashing lights in the house. It is so quiet and peaceful away from the city and my dogs are great company as pet/guard dogs for me when my partner is at work. Our dogs barks when they heard somethings except tractors, large machinery, odd dogs go past with their owners of our neighbours, rabbits, possums. The new dog – Judge is still young and learning from Joseph but she is really bright, intelligent and most of all to be closer to me. Judge manages to slip through fences over the quiet road but she eventually comes back. I am not in the mood for this behaviour at least she got to learn where the boundary of the fences in our home is. The saddest memory was we lost our first Judge the 2 years old dog when we moved here. Joseph missed her a lot and we decided to get another dog for him to play with. Of course we named the new dog Judge 2 and she is quite mischief and handful for us. We don’t complain often but it can be frustrate or annoy if Judge 2 slips through the fence if we have not completed fence around the garden. never ending completing the fence jobs – hand up if you can help us…….. Judge 2 often tear or destructive anythings we left lying around the house. Every times we go out and I have to check and put things away from her by putting in the drawers, cupboards, close the bathroom, laundry and office doors. She can reach anythings off the benches. Also she can jump high and we are looking for extra height to top up along the fencing around the fields. But money or left over wire nettings would be nice for us.

We are still destructing the old house which is next to our current home. All the woods we kept are for firewoods and store in the large barn for the next winter. Any other parts of light fittings, window panels, old bath etc will be re use or sell them off… Once the old house will be disappear and the next project is to have a large green house for winter garden and plant cuttings for selling in order for me to earn income.

Going to Morrinsville, Cambridge, Tauwhare, Matangi and Puketaha, these village gives us insight to exploring around and what they can provide us like shopping, Farmer’s Markets and butchery. I discovered that there are shortage of butcheries in the rural area today than in the old days. Blame on supermarkets………. There is a perfect place where you can pick strawberries at Olde Berry Farm in Matangi (formerly of Morrinsville Road near Silverdale, Hamilton). It is further up the roads from us. There are plenty of orchards around here – Roaches’s Rose Nursery (up the road from us), Apple Orchards which runs for family generations along Morrinsville Road, Boyds Asparagus Orchards, another Apple Orchards in Hunter Road (contract to Sundale), Blueberries Garden in Newstead and the lists so on…………… Morrinsville is a famous where there are many cow statues and the latest new is they are planning to build the largest cow statue – 6.5 metres high and it will be placed in Maber Industry.

mmmm, wonder what the neighbours are like!!!!! Mostly of them are still urban people and pays someone to do the jobs for them and the fewer local longest residents are more rural people through their family generations for example one of our cousins – Hinton families in Eureka through our late grandma – Mama’s side family “Watkinson/Yates. Great uncle Fred’s wife – Joy nee Hinton and she came from her father – Jasper James Hinton of Ngaruawahia via Eureka. Jasper’s brother was Charles Hinton who lived and raised a large families here. Today they are Geoff Hinton and one of his sons is Dan living on a largest farm here. Jasper and his other brother moved away from here during the depression years. These men married to the twin sisters formerly of the Henwoods family who also still living here too. I discovered more about share farm hands and milkers lived in many cottages along Hinton Road and in the neighbours area. One of the Hinton cousins actually lived in our house in the old days. Wow – that was really connected to me. Tom Hinton – Geoff’s father is still alive and living in a rest home in the city of Hamilton. My cousin Diane’s brother Gordon met him during the reunion which I missed it few years back. I met Stephanie who just have a baby girl, Anna – one of the Hinton family and moved to the city of Hamiton, Gail M., Mitchell – the farm milker/labourer, Colin D. who runs the service station, Rosemary and David – friends of me, Shona and her children, Jennifer.. Colin comes from the family living here for many years as well.

Looking backs, there had been odd car accidents along State Highway 26 which I found hard to understand the drivers are doing really dangerous and very foolish driving, a couple power cuts, a couple loose cows escaped one early hours of the morning, plenty of sirens from police cars, fire engines even ambulances passed here. Of course there are plenty of plain police cars, sighted police cars even unmasked cars by the police parking and watching the drivers. We know where they are but we are not telling…… You are responsible for your driving and the speed!!

Over the Newstead area, there will be upgrade road which links to Waikato Express motorway… It is not really bad but it will give us to travel more easily and quicker to Auckland, Gordonton, Puketaha, etc or back to the city of Hamilton.  This area is not close to us, that goodness……… At least it is next to LIC company.

Garden projects are a big challenge for me. Removed Chinese privets and odd weeds until another couple years. I am replanting native trees and ornament trees/shrubs and new trees such as fruit trees and other kind of trees as wind break belt shelter for our vegetable gardens. Rose gardens and climbers along the fences are showing brilliant displays each days, even five cherry trees as we called them in the field. Lavender gardens are doing well but need to work on wind shelter and odd furry animals. the best of all was doing the flowers from our garden for the Deaf couple’s wedding. They were so thrilled and love it. I spend many times doing plant cuttings which make my partner annoy but he understands why I am doing it for the gardens and in the fields. It is to save money to expand more trees and shrubs every where and bought a few new fresh and different plants/trees/shrubs.  My ideas of improving the gardens including vegetable gardens and fruits trees will improve in the next 3-5 years and have a break from 3-5 years to allow them to grow nicely, grateful display of wonders, shelter from wind, the need of firewoods etc…. Of course I am hoping less weeding from 3-5 years……….

Bugger – I can’t get the photos of us…. will have to wait for my partner to get home…….. then to repost my blog.

 

 

 

In the last 24 hours since i saw the headline news screaming out on TV – Paris locked down, Paris in terror, Bombing attacks and so on… I was not aware of this headline because I can’t hear the radio. Yes I am deaf and what is the point of using hearing any danger headline news for many other Deaf/Sourd people?  I received a text from a very good hearing friend whom i met in Lyon, France. In my mind, first of all I thought of many Sourd people if they were okay, confused and frightening but there were so many unexplained answer to them and to me.http://www.facebook.com/Fusillade-à-Paris-en-direct-LSF-315769835260290/?fref=nf

Then we have had another headline bombing – suicide bomber kills at least 19 in Baghdad funeral. This one was about – Attacks targeting Shiites in Baghdad, including a suicide bombing at a funeral in a mosque, killed at least 19 people Friday, security and medical officials said.

The suicide bombing inside the Al-Ashara al-Mubashareen mosque in the Amil area of south Baghdad killed at least 17 people and wounded 33, the officials said. This quote article was from http://english.alarabiya.net/en/News/middle-east/2015/11/13/Suicide-bomb-in-Baghdad-kills-at-least-18.html

I know this country – Iraq has more than 4 millions of disabled people and it is keep growing spite of wars, chemical warfare, torture treatments in jails, various kind of accidents in workplaces and so on… Here are a couple of photos

If I was hearing then I would hear the latest new on the radio and start to worry, listening to the radio or praying for them… But I am deaf and it is impossible for me to hear the radio. I would go and turn on the tv and watch the breaking new if the shocking or latest headline new screaming out on tv. If it is not on tv, then I would go to googling on internet which is marvellous tool for me. Internet is a wonderful tool for many Deaf/hearing impaired people who missed out headline news. Smartphone is another tool for many Deaf/Hearing Impaired people too. I have got a smartphone but I don’t used it.

Looking back to my previous trips to Paris – several times but I have lost the count – up to 8 times in Paris and around France. The reason of this trips were conferences, socially visiting friends and exploring around France. It is a vibrant city of lights, arts, history, foods, cultures and of course people in France. Looking at Iraq – it is so different country from France because of wars and poverty. They are trying to rebuild fresher life and moving on since the collapse of Saddam Hussein – 2003. The number of Deaf people in Iraq is not clear and the last time I checked was around 189,000. They are part of unengaged and unreached in the whole part of Iraq. Their sign language is undetermined. This year there was a good new and it is a first Deaf school in Iraqi-Kurdistan. This is the very first school for deaf people in Northen Iraq, the kurdish region. The teachers are mostly Arabs from Baghdad, were they are used to teach in Iraqi schools for deaf people.

The number of Sourds (Deaf people) in France are around 300,000 with FSL (French Sign Language) and last record was 2014.  The number of Sourds (Deaf people) is not clear.

imagine if you (Deaf) were in the area where there is a bombing, involved as a hostage, attack without warning and there is nothing you can do.  In Israel, most of the Deaf people who wears vibrating warnings by SMS smartphone, pagers equipments BUT it does not work very well because of the Government bureaucratic procedure.

it would be good if someone who able to invent and keep improving warning signal against rocket signal, announce warning through smartphone or pagers for many Deaf/Hearing Impaired people. Because we are in the life of wars and dangers with out warning around the world. How can hearing people can help us if they understand that we are Deaf/Hearing impaired as strangers? Because our disability is invisible – not physically disability when Sourds/Deaf people don’t wear hearing aids. Only a very small amount of Deaf people do wear hearing aid as their choice.

Many of hearing people who lives in Israel, meet many Deaf/Hearing people and they knows each other as neighbours. They helps each others during bombings throughout days and days.

My partner often texts me whenever I am in the city of Hamilton or outside and he heard something on the radio when he is working. For example one day I was driving home from a home visit and there was a domestic violence attempt in the area of Hamilton City. There were a couple or more road blocks which anyone can’t drive through that area. Of course I was just there at the traffic lights where in front of me and this road in front of me was going to be block off when I saw 7-8 police cars storming into that area. I waited and checked my mobile of course a text message from my partner. I managed to change to another route where other people couldn’t get out. This was one of the excellent example tool for me.